Texts from Pastor Van
Make an effort to get to know people who have already reached the goals you'd like to accomplish in your life.

Make sure your friends are people who can embrace and encourage the vision you have for your life.

All things are possible to those who believe!

God has a plan to deliver you from every bondage and every fear you may be facing today. Stay close to him through his...

Stages of Grief
1. Denial – "I feel fine."; "This can't be happening, not to me."
Denial is usually only a temporary defense for the individual. This feeling is generally replaced with heightened awareness of positions and individuals that will be left behind after death.
2. Anger – "Why me? It's not fair!"; "How can this happen to me?"; "Who is to blame?"
Once in the second stage, the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue. Because of anger, the person is very difficult to care for due to misplaced feelings of rage and envy. Any individual that symbolizes life or energy is subject to projected resentment and jealousy.
3. Bargaining – "Just let me live to see my children graduate."; "I'll do anything for a few more years."; "I will give my life savings if..."
The third stage involves the hope that the individual can somehow postpone or delay death. Usually, the negotiation for an extended life is made with a higher power in exchange for a reformed lifestyle. Psychologically, the individual is saying, "I understand I will die, but if I could just have more time..."
4. Depression – "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"; "I'm going to die... What's the point?"; "I miss my loved one, why go on?"
During the fourth stage, the dying person begins to understand the certainty of death. Because of this, the individual may become silent, refuse visitors and spend much of the time crying and grieving. This process allows the dying person to disconnect oneself from things of love and affection. It is not recommended to attempt to cheer up an individual who is in this stage. It is an important time for grieving that must be processed.
5. Acceptance – "It's going to be okay."; "I can't fight it, I may as well prepare for it."
In this last stage, the individual begins to come to terms with his mortality or that of his loved one.

Reference: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/K%C3%BCbler-Ross_model

Please forgive me if I act a little strange
So if I haven't posted any comments on anyones blogs here its because I haven't really taken the time to keep track of Livejournal until attempts recent. Its a little awkward because I'm only now seeing emotional events that have occurred in everyone's lives NOW opposed to when they were posted months ago. Also, I've figured out that the reason I post isn't to necessarily 'post event's' but because usually there is something wrong. Even if I was posting a schedule it was to say "Hey! This is when I'm available! Come on and call me so we can go out," which usually meant I was lonely and for whatever reason couldn't actually go "Hey, you want to hang out?" The whole point of this post? I care about you guys and I'm sorry if I haven't said anything to you about things going on in your lives that I'm only now getting around to seeing. There I've said it. I'm not very good at expressing myself emotionally. I internalize a lot more then I actually 'vent'. Then when I do it seems a little late and might be overplayed. Perhaps it has to do with my urm...upbringing...I dunno, and really I try not to think about it. Nevertheless I'm entering into a rant. Expect, for future notice to be receiving odd and random emotionally attached calls or random gifts. Thats how I'm working right now.

On a different note I'm not posting because there is anything wrong with me. Only, its an apology for not (at least in my mind) being there for some of you for the past year or so. I've only recently acquired something that I feel is right and good in my life. Which, by the way, I have to thank one of you for bringing to my attention even if at the time I was so avidly opposed to taking up on. Thank you very much. I know I'm a little strange at times and can't relate to some of the things that you've got going on but I'm giving it a running effort so I just apologize if I goof every now and then. I'm only NOW starting to get to do things that I probably should have been doing years ago. Alright, Emo over. I will talk to you guys later.

People make me hate
A couple in the news today were found to have killed their eight year old son by beating him to death. In the interview with the babysitter she was telling them how the parents would tell her to hit him anytime he was crying or 'misbehaving'. You should have seen the bastards in the court room. I have never seen so much hate and arrogance on a human being's face. They actually believed that their son deserved it.

I've started on this rant because of all the shit that has been going on. The things that people will do to their children. I swear I would do anything to save the lives of all these kids who suffer at the hands of parents who really believe that its ok to hit their child and honestly believe that their kid is crying to spite them. Kids can be a pain but that never constitutes what bastards you can do to them. We are bigger, and stronger then these kids. They aren't a threat. Parents never stop to think how if they destroy a person's life through death then they do it by causing lasting damages to the mental states of their children. How dare you.

In response to a friend's post.

1. Can you cook? Only by recipe and an uncomplicated one at that.

2. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator? Amuse myself

3. What talent do you wish you had? Sing and dance

4. Favorite place? My dreams

5. Favorite vegetable? Lettuce

6. What was the last book you read? I can't remember

7. Are you Dirty or Clean? I need a small bird bath

8. Any tattoos and/or piercings? Ears and bellybutton

9. Worst habit? Is being unobservant a worst habit?


1. How did we meet? highschool

2. What's your philosophy on life? Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't

3. Negative or Optimistic? Depends on my mood at the time. Am I happy? Optimistic. Am I upset? Then life sucks.

4. What was your dream growing up? Nice house up in the moutains which is close enough to the sea to drive, but far enough away from the hurricane. Also, two kids consisting of a boy and girl and a great carrier.

5. Worst thing to ever happen to you? ...

6. What was your first impression of me? Pretty hair.

7. Tell me one weird fact about you: Is this a necessary question?

8. What’s your favorite memory of us? Sleepover at Bobbis' where we were all naming each others faults and best characteristics.

9 is missing. Make up something if you want. What is my favorite color? None, I'm a rainbow!

10. Have you ever kept anything from me? Sure, but I wasn't discriminating. I kept it from everyone.

11. What do you think of me as a person? Sweet, workaholic, and intelligent. Need I say more?

12. Do you think I'm sane or insane? If you were perfectly sane I wouldn't find you interesting.

13. Would you cry for me if I died? No. Um...honestly, stupid question. Yes I would.

14. Would you be my crime partner or my conscience? conscience

15. If you could change anything about me, would you? Sloooow down and stop drinking.

16. How do you fall asleep? I just die.

17. Ever gotten angry with me? Not that I remember.

18. Would you go on a blind date if I set you up? Sure.

19. If you had one day to live, what would you do? Probably sleep.

20. A million bucks… what would you do with it? Pay for college, get a house, and buy my own office building.

21. What is your worst fear? Being alone.

22. Favorite thing to do in your spare time? Something adventurous!

23. Can you sing or dance? Hahaha...I sure think I can and I will even if told otherwise.

24. In one word, how would you describe me? Be honest....honest

25. Will you repost this so I can fill it out? sure will.

Schedule usually looks like...

9:30-10:45-Western Lit II
12:30-1:45-Descriptive Statistics
5:00-7/7:30-Social Welfare


9:30-10:45-Western Lit II
12:30-1:45-Descriptive Statistics

**Leave by 4:00 to Huntsville**

Friday: OFF
**In Huntsvile**

Work: 10am-7pm


This has generally been what my schedule has looked like for the past few weeks and likely this is what is will look like for the next few weeks after unless I make other engagements.


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I'm exhausted. It will be nice when we can finally get back to a 'normal' schedule at work but I will sorely miss having the weekend off to die..urg..sleep. This SHOULD be the last week for overnights and we've been going in earlier then usual and working around ten hours each night to get it done quickly. Its nice though because the remodeling manager suddenly realized after looking at the correlation between my school schedule (which he didn't know I had) and work schedule that I'm getting little to no sleep (yes, this long). Amusingly, he said "When are you getting any sleep. Class?," but...he also said something about "poo poo" earlier tonight too so I'm wondering EXACTLY how much sleep he's had in the last few nights.

Curiously, I feel pretty unaffected except for the fact those voices in my head are getting a little bit louder "Hello? What?" lol, just kidding. NO really, I have noticed a change in my personality but that is the be expected. Its enough still to push seeing the school counselor though I'm having misgivings about BEING a psychology major and GOING to see one. Stupid stigma, shut up. So I keep telling myself that if I don't go I could end up like my mom or dad *little voice scream*

Other then that I'd be lying to say that things are 'fine' but they're not much different that when I talked to you guys last time. Thanks for having the patience with my little idiosyncrasies. Love you.

School schedule
Time Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday
09:30AM ENG -232 COMER 308 ENG -232 COMER 308
10:00AM ENG -232 COMER 308 ENG -232 COMER 308
10:30AM ENG -232 COMER 308 ENG -232 COMER 308
12:30PM PSYC-300 COMER 305 PSYC-300 COMER 305
01:00PM PSYC-300 COMER 305 PSYC-300 COMER 305
01:30PM PSYC-300 COMER 305 PSYC-300 COMER 305
02:00PM PSYC-310 COMER 309 PSYC-310 COMER 309
02:30PM PSYC-310 COMER 309 PSYC-310 COMER 309
03:00PM PSYC-310 COMER 309 PSYC-310 COMER 309
05:00PM PSYC-308 JETER 105
05:30PM PSYC-308 JETER 105
06:00PM PSYC-308 JETER 105
06:30PM PSYC-308 JETER 105
07:00PM PSYC-308 JETER 105

Until next month my work schedule is going to be Sunday-Thursday (9pm-5am). When we finish remodeling I should go back to Mon, Weds, Friday (6-3/4) and 8hrs Sat/Sun.

As an update I'm going up to Huntsville this weekend. I'll be back Sunday in time to go to work and then start the new school week! ^^ *excited*

Moving! *woot dance*
Tommorow I'm moving into the dorms at the University so until future notice after today I'm not going to have any internet until I set the computer up at the campus. This may take one day to get done or a few. It all depends on how much I want to sleep when I get done with this weekend. Either way I'll let those who are interested know when I'm back on.

As a side note: I'm so FUR CRAPPIN AWESOME EXCITED!!! At least for now. I'm SURE that tommorow when I'm exhausted, getting all the crap figured out, moved in, and I'm screaming at my counselors that I'll be quite a little bit more...ok...a LOT more agitated, but hey, soak it up while it lasts I say! Till then, I'm going to start moving my loads of junk out to the car starting with the most important (my computer/clothes) until its totally stuffed and I realize that I'm bringing far more then I thought I even had :D.

Wish me luck.

love you guys

Side note

I'll still have internet access at work but I won't be able to IM or spend as much time looking at what you send me until I'm set up so it isn't that you SHOULDN'T send me anything. Its just it might take me longer to get back to you.


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